Me...

Sickness...

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 10:51:26 GMT

I have not been feeling that great... I feel soooo sick to my stomach... no good...

Have I ever told you?

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 04:38:33 GMT

I'm in love?

So confused...

Sun, 25 Mar 2007 06:50:34 GMT

lets not go there... shit has been confusing me... um... yeah...

A Speach to live by... READ!

Tue, 27 Jun 2006 16:29:48 GMT

Wear sunscreen

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years youll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you cant grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked...Youre not as fat as you imagine.

Dont worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Dont be reckless with other peoples hearts, dont put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Dont waste your time on jealousy; sometimes youre ahead, sometimes youre behind...the race is long, and in the end its only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Dont feel guilty if you dont know what to do with your life...the most interesting people I know didnt know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still dont.

Get plenty of calcium

Be kind to your knees, youll miss them when theyre gone.

Maybe youll marry, maybe you wont, maybe youll have children, maybe you wont, maybe youll divorce at 40, maybe youll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary...what ever you do, dont congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either - your choices are half chance, so are everybody elses.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can...dont be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, its the greatest instrument youll ever own.

Dance...even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you dont follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, youll never know when theyll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, price will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do youll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Dont expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Dont mess too much with your hair, or by the time its 40, it will look 85.

Be careful who advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than its worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen...

I was listening to this on the radio this morning... and I randomly get this something that hits me just right... and I have heard this countless times before... but I've never tried to find it... but it gave me that boost that I've needed for soooo long...

Baz Lurhman:
http://www.myspace.com/bazlurhmanfansite

that's the myspace fan site

FROM HERE ON OUT...

Fri, 19 Sep 2003 05:12:59 GMT

I'M WORKING ON MAKING THIS WHOLE JOURNAL FRIENDS ONLY... IT'S NICE HAVING COMMENTS ON PEOPLES OPINIONS... BUT I HAVE TO MANY PERSONAL ISSUES... IF YOU WANT TO BE ADDED COMMENT AND I WILL ADD YOU

Mon, 15 Sep 2003 01:24:37 GMT

Dear Dad,

Thu, 29 May 2003 22:35:42 GMT

Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of
friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff,
I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if
you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I
would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.

Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy
are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.
Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a
NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad

I am tired of cars!

Thu, 29 May 2003 16:25:21 GMT

I am sooo tired of cars... You know I really am bad luck! I drive my car for a week after fixing it and something else is wrong and I can't drive it yet again. I really want it back... And then I drive the truck for about a week and then something goes wrong with that too! AHHHH I can't stand this.

The mark my hand got from the aftershock of the whip is swollen and when I woke up this morning 1/4 of my hand was swollen... now it's just the mark on my hand that is swollen with liquid and stuff. I should probably pop it, it's really throbbing. All red and gross looking... heh. Fuck it all.

Lesey

Poor my heart and soul into this journal...

Thu, 29 May 2003 07:17:53 GMT

Tonight I had to think... I'm gonna poor my heart and soul into this journal so let me get to the point.

Tonight was really angry for me. With my car down and the truck low on fuel I had asked my mom if I could use her car and she said to use the truck anyway... Well... it died at my grandma's we had low oil and fuel. It pissed me off to no end that that happened I had damn well told my mom what was going on and she told me to use it anyway. I FUCKING NEARLY KILLED A $5000 DOLLAR MOTOR!!! It scared me and pissed me off. We don't have that kind of money. We don't have ANY money for that matter. We can barely pay for fuel. I need my car.

But anyway while all this was happening if just made me feel so insecure. I felt this swamping of emotions: Fury, sadness, insecurity. I know I was acting like a little kid having a tantrum tonight. But I'm a violent person when I'm angry and can't control it. All these emotions were pulling me in every direction. I took a whip and beat the fence and the afterschock caught me across the hand and now 1/4 of my hand is swollen. That numbness where I couldn't feel my hand at all brought me back to reality you could say. But the whole time afterward until now I've had this feeling of being bad luck, to everything and everyone. I haven't been able to hold a relationship. I can't keep a car going for more than a month. Lately not even for more than 2 weeks. I just can't stand it... What am I here for??? Nothing can go right for me lately... I feel so useless. I have no motivation for anything. I'm not going to graduate on time. My romantic life is either short and emotionless or ends not all that great. FUCK ME AND YOU!!! I hate this shadow and insecurities... damnit my hand is throbbing...

jokes...

Tue, 27 May 2003 05:28:52 GMT

Why are blonde jokes so short?

So men can remember them.

Hmmm...

Fri, 23 May 2003 20:00:22 GMT

I have been thinking a lot... I mean A LOT... And even though I have been thinking I haven't come up with any answers.

What is "Love"? What's it feel like? When will I have this wonderful feeling? How will I know I'm feeling this wonderful feeling???

It's crap... I don't think at this age we are ready for love... I see people all the time at this age mistake feelings for love, and then a little while later: "Oh, yeah... I fell in love with my neighbor... that's why I'm not in love with the other person anymore..." It's bullshit.

anyway I have to go...
Love you lots
Lesey

Thu, 22 May 2003 18:19:13 GMT

Thu, 22 May 2003 18:17:30 GMT

pictures if they show up...

Thu, 22 May 2003 18:16:29 GMT

Last Night was disturbing and frustrating...

Thu, 22 May 2003 17:42:11 GMT

Last night I was supposed to pick up my dad after babysitting and lately I have been stealing my mom's cell phone cause mine doesn't have a whole lot of minutes on it (2 to be exact) it irritates my mom but I don't want to drive my car without a way to call someone... cause when I got in the accident off of SR-500 we had to use the paramedics cell phone so I could get a hold of someone to call to pick my dad and I up... but anyway back to last night, Last night I was supposed to pick my dad up after babysitting and for the past few days I have noticed my clutch getting a little stiff, my dad and I thought that we just needed to put Wd-40 on it but that wasn't the case cause on the way to pick my dad up on 58th st my clutch went out... at first I was just having problems getting it into gear I had to force it into gear just to go around the block... I thought that maybe it was just kinda like a faze so I turned off of 58th just to drive around a block and it got worse and I noticed that my clutch was getting rougher so I decided to just drive home, by that time it was nearly impossible to shift so I ended up driving home in second down 58th it was pretty bad I was doing 20 mph down a road that everyone does 30-40 through. By the time I got home I couldn't shift at all and I coasted at like 3 mph in the driveway... My car is stuck at the end of the driveway right now if it were any further out we'd have to push it up my drive a little because it would be blocking the road... and Sunday we'll probably borrow Jana's jeep so we can push my car into the garage cause the driveway is to steep to push it ourselves. We'll have to get an old tire to put between the cars so neither gets scratched... So I won't be driving my car for a couple of weeks and have to use the truck now... I love that truck it's so fun to drive but I hate having my driving reduced... Diesels are such fuel hogs it's disgusting... although diesels get pretty good gas mileage for a bigger truck I still hate it being so much money and being reduced in driving.... I could scream!!!

But in the end it was kinda funny cause mom didn't even bother asking me if I had picked dad up... she just went up there and dad wasn't even at his work, he was at Starbucks of of Mill Plain and had to go running after her down the street when he saw her drive past... It was great hearing about it...

Just a song I really like....

Thu, 22 May 2003 17:26:11 GMT

I'm really, really disgusted with myself. I usually don't like this kind of music... But oh well... I really like the words

"Where Is The Love?"

What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin'
In the USA, the big CIA
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Badness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how a n**** works and operates
N**, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations droppin' bombs
Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
With the ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone
So I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong
In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin'
in
Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love
Where's the love, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the truth, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the love, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us followin' our own direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids act like what they see in the cinema
Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead in spreading love we spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down
There's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under
Gotta keep my faith alive to lovers bound

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)

You know I sit here and I think...

Thu, 22 May 2003 06:12:04 GMT

I just sit here at the computer and think what am I becoming??? I smoke, even though I'm supposedly against it... I know what it does to me but I do it. My dreams are so far away from me and I can't even reach them. Everything I've ever really wanted right now aren't even close to me... the most precious things to me right now I do have but in the long run they can't keep me happy, my friends and family. To be truly happy I have to work for it. I know I'm spoiled and I know some of my expectiations are stupid and I know I am a smart ass and I have to be right all the time and I argue for stupid reasons. But I want to have a good life and be secure soooo bad it hurts. I want love, not just romantic, I can do without romantic love for a while. But for me being truly secure comes with a home, people who love you, people you love, a secure job, enough money to get by, being fit in mind and body... I want that so bad, but I'm not on that track. I feel like I'm on the road to failure. It's kinda funny but Jana and Tiffany and I all have our dreams and they are all different but the same. Life is tough and so insecure. I talked to my mom about it and she even sympethized me and said she wouldn't come back to this age if she was offered the chance to be younger... I gotta agree with her... but I don't want to be 18 I want to skip that age and got back to being a blissfully unaware baby... yet I want to grow up experience love (all kinds of love) family and the joy of have a job.

I don't feel like stopping right now, this is going to be one of my longest entries...

Why are people so prejudice??? I know I'm prejudice, I'm prejudice against cars though. That doesn't matter as much as some things. I hate it. I stand somewhere and I here things like: "He's so ugly, he's probably stupid too." "Look at the way that chic dresses. She's gotta be a ditz." I mean that's not right. I can't stop my thoughts from predicting what the person's like but I try to stop them from being really bad thougts and remind myself that I don't know the person and don't know what they are like. I try... I'm not always successful but I try...
Whatever happened to the values of humanity???

I'm listening to this song and the words really get to me... here are some of the lyrics that get to me...

Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us followin' our own direction

Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead in spreading love we spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity

I don't really know know what else to say... I might as well stop... I wish all our lives were so easy and we knew what decisions to make... but if life was like that I guess it would probably be boring and we wouldn't be independent and grow to be individuals. Listen to me, I'm not normal...

I want to know everyones dreams...
tell me...

love you all so much...

Lesey

Don't Wanna Try No More...

Tue, 20 May 2003 16:29:22 GMT

I can't believe you had the nerve to say the things you said
they hurt so bad that they ended our relationship
I can't believe it ..4 years go down the drain
oh how I wish things would of happened so differently
I tried to save it so many times but you still couldn't see
you kept insistin' and resistin' that you would not fall again
and now you're tryin' to tell me that you're sorry
and you're tryin' to come back home
you're tellin' me you really need me crying beggin both knees are on the floor
but baby I

[Chorus]
don't wanna try don't wanna try don't wanna try no more
you keep insisting when you know our love is out the door
don't wanna try don't wanna try cuz all we do is fight and say the things
I hurt you so bad to when we both begin to cry
don't wanna try don't wanna try I 'bout just had enough its been a rough road
baby just let it go
don't wanna try don't wanna try don't wanna try no more
tell me whats the use of holdin' on when all we do is hurt our love

you and I had many conversations on the telephone
talks about one day we having a place of our own
wake up in the morning and have breakfast ready on the table
but all of that just seems so far away from me
had to wake up face reality
it all just seem to good to be true after all you put me through
and now you tryin' to tell me that you're sorry
and you tryin' to come back home
you tellin' me that you really need me crying beggin both knees are on the floor
but baby I

don't wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more
you keep insisting when you know our love is out the door
don't wanna try dont wanna try cuz all we do is fight and say the things
I hurt you bad to when we both begin to cry
dont wanna try don't wanna try I bout just had enough its been a rough road
baby just let it go
don't wanna try don't wanna try don't wanna try no more
tell me whats the use of holdin' on when all we do is hurt our love

I am in a weird mood...

Mon, 19 May 2003 17:18:32 GMT

I went riding yesterday and Rose bucked me off, it was my fault though, I got on her without anything on her head. I was asking for it... hehe, I let my ego get to me. And boy do I have an ego when it comes to my horses. I'm not going to say I don't get cocky when it comes to my horses. But why shouldn't I be a little cocky when it comes to my horses??? But, anyway, I needed that fall, even if I am paying for it now, it brought me back down from my high horse. Still, the only horse that has managed to get me off without it being my fault is Hobbie... hehe... but yeah....

I stopped by Lewis and Clark and applied for the afternoon sessions and should be going afternoons soon Mon. Weds. and Friday so... yeah... I'm going to go now...
Later,
Lesey

Backseat Of a Greyhound bus

Sun, 18 May 2003 18:02:08 GMT

She wore a dress with cherries on it,
Goin' somewhere where she'd be wanted.
A town this small; all they do is talk.
No wedding ring; cheap fingernail polish.
She always wished that she could go to college,
But some dreams fade: they just slip away.
She started to show a few months ago an' she had to go.
That's how she wound up.

On the backseat of a Greyhound bus,
Head on down with the windows up.
Starin' at the rest of her life.
She never thought this would be the place,
Where she would find her savin' grace,
But she fell in love; she fell in love,
On the backseat of a Greyhound Bus.

Oh, yeah, yeah!

Moon was full, the stars were smilin':
God has a funny sense of timin'.
The baby came on the Interstate.
Somewhere between Jackson and Memphis,
She finally found what she had been missin':
She cried and laughed, while the red lights flashed.
Sweet baby girl: she looked into the face of a new,
The face of a brand new world.

On the backseat of a Greyhound bus,
Heart so full that it could burst.
Starin' at the rest of her life.
She never thought this would be the place,
Where she would find her savin' grace,
But she fell in love; she fell in love,
On the backseat of a Greyhound Bus.

Instrumental and choral break.

Sweet baby girl:
She found a brand new world.

On the backseat of a Greyhound bus,
Heart so full that it could burst.
Starin' at the rest of her life.
She never thought this would be the place,
Where she would find her savin' grace,
But she fell in love; she fell in love,
On the backseat of a Greyhound Bus.

She wore a dress with cherries on it,
Goin' somewhere where she'd be wanted.
Hey, yeah, yeah.

To fade.

I really don't know what to say...

Sun, 18 May 2003 17:17:24 GMT

I have all these thoughts running through my head, but I don't know what to say... I'm still trying to figure out my life... I have been told I need to adjust my life to me. So... I am going to do afternoons Monday, wednesday, Fridays for the next 30 days of School... I'm gonna need help. I really wnat to graduate next year but have had to realize that's just not possible... and it's my fault. But I am determined to change and graduate as soon as possible even if it is the year after... all I need is support... I won't have as much free time (not that I have I a lot to begin with.. I'm hard enough to get a hold of...) I need to do this, for me. I want to have a good life and job. So this is my first step...

love you all...
Lesey

Secrets...

Sun, 18 May 2003 05:56:37 GMT

Things haven't been the same
Since you came into my life
You found a way to touch my soul
And I'm never, ever, ever gonna let it go

Happiness lies in your own hand
It took me much too long to understand
How it could be
Until you shared your secret with me

Mmm mmm
Something's comin' over, mmm mmm
Something's comin' over, mmm mmm
Something's comin' over me
My baby's got a secret

You gave me back the paradise
That I thought I lost for good
You helped me find the reasons why
It took me by surprise that you understood
You knew all along
What I never wanted to say
Until I learned to love myself
I was never ever lovin' anybody else

"Brown Eyes"

Fri, 16 May 2003 05:50:46 GMT

Remember the first day when I saw your face
remember the first day when you smiled at me
you stepped to me and you said to me
I was the woman you dreamed about
remember the first day when you called my house
remember the first day when you took me out
we had butterflies although we tried to hide
and we both had a beautiful night

The way we held each others hand
the way we talked the way we laughed
it felt so good to find true love
I knew right then and there you were the one

I know that he loves me cause he told me so
I know that he loves me cause his feelings show
when he stares at me you see that he cares for me
you see how he is so deep in love
I know that he loves me cause its obvious
I know that he loves me cause it's me he trusts
and he's missing me if he's not kissing me
and when he looks at me his brown eyes tells his soul

Remember the first day, the first day we kissed
remember the first day we had an argument
we apologized and then we compromised
and we haven't argued since
remember the first day we stopped playing games
remember the first day you fell in love with me
it felt so good for you to say those words
cause I felt the same way too

The way we held each others hand
the way we talked the way we laughed
it felt so good to fall in love
and I knew right then and there you were the one

I know that he loves me cause he told me so
I know that he loves me cause his feelings show
when he stares at me you see that he cares for me
you see how he is so deep in love
I know that he loves me cause its obvious
I know that he loves me cause it's me he trusts
and he's missing me if he's not kissing me
and when he looks at me his brown eyes tells his soul

i'm so happy so happy that you're in my life
and baby now that you're a part of me
you showed me
showed me the true meaning of love
and i know he loves me

I know that he loves me cause he told me so
I know that he loves me cause his feelings show
when he stares at me you see that he cares for me
you see how he is so deep in love
I know that he loves me cause its obvious
I know that he loves me cause it's me he trusts
and he's missing me if he's not kissing me
and when he looks at me his brown eyes tells his soul

He looks at me and his brown eyes tell his soul

I'm in one of those moods... I want that feeling right now and then again... I don't

I think I should just lay down with a mushy romance novel... I have to find one now...

taking tests over at Jana's

Thu, 15 May 2003 23:56:16 GMT

I am a giant mutant kitten. Not strange at all.

Which cute or possibly strange kitten are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Grrr...

Thu, 15 May 2003 18:45:07 GMT

I'm waiting for dad to get up so I can take him to work so I can get to school and get my report card done... I'm worried I don't have enough hours... I want to talk to my advisor about going to school Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays I think it would be easier for me... not as many people to distract me and I don't know, just easier for me...